Articles
Alexa Delroy
Psychotherapist
Psychotherapist
Alexa Delroy
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leave message at:
613-239-0343
Psychotherapist
Alexa Delroy
LISTENING AT THE OTTAWA PASTORAL CENTRE
People get tired of needing help, of being on the receiving end of the offices of do-gooders. They know in their hearts that we all need help, we all give help; we are all weak, we are all strong. No one wants to be judged. No one wants to be told what to do.
People get tired of needing help, of being on the receiving end of the offices of do-gooders. They know in their hearts that we all need help, we all give help; we are all weak, we are all strong. No one wants to be judged. No one wants to be told what to do.
Copyright © 2008 by Alexa Delroy. Webmaster: Sheila Ascroft. Banner photo by ©Tim O'Lett
This article willbe published in Crosstalk, the monthly newsletter of the Anglican Diocese of Ottawa in the January 2010 issue.
But pain is a reality too. People are driven by pain to look for help. Where does the pain come from? Where does the help come from? The pain comes from the intersection between what life is and our coping skills. Life can be counted on to deliver the challenges: change, loss, responsibilities, questions of meaning - you name it!
Through living, we have all learned ways to cope. If we’re lucky, they’ve worked well. Then the big wave of life hits and our boats break their moorings and are carried out to sea. Or, we discover there was a cost to our coping style and the cost catches up to us. Whatever the catalyst, we’re swamped. We’re in pain. We’re where we don’t want to be.
There is no group of people who are not subject to this. The Church cannot say: “we will make this stop.” A psychotherapist cannot say: “I will make this stop.” Help can only come from others also bobbing along in leaky boats far from shore.
The Anglican Church is an institution meant to help people. The Ottawa Pastoral Centre (OPC) is a ministry of the Church. It employs psychotherapy: a set of skills meant to help people. These are complementary but different ways of helping you stay afloat.
In one boat is the Church, and it says: “Whatever happens, sink or swim, you are not alone. One who loves you more than you can know is with you. There is much more than you can see. We are your brothers and sisters.” A pastoral therapist (from another, companion boat, following in wake of the first) says: “Tell me about your pain and I’ll accompany you, and use my skills to help you find your feet again, or to find new or different strengths.”
Now, I wouldn’t want to tell a stranger my most personal matters, and neither would you. I need to get to know someone and find trust first. It’s my job as a psychotherapist to create the conditions of trust, which involve being as transparent and honest as possible so that what you see is what you get. It also involves my being attentive and open. Your job is to reveal your life. Whether you explicitly come as a Christian or as an atheist, I will be seeing you as beloved by the Ground of your being, of infinite value, a creature of eternity. Together, we will look and find the courage to see what is really there - a harder task than one might suppose.
We will see things that cannot be changed - and seek serenity in the face of that. We will find things that can be changed - and that will take more courage yet, and lots of work. And, we will look for Wisdom, too, to know the difference.
Through living, we have all learned ways to cope. If we’re lucky, they’ve worked well. Then the big wave of life hits and our boats break their moorings and are carried out to sea. Or, we discover there was a cost to our coping style and the cost catches up to us. Whatever the catalyst, we’re swamped. We’re in pain. We’re where we don’t want to be.
There is no group of people who are not subject to this. The Church cannot say: “we will make this stop.” A psychotherapist cannot say: “I will make this stop.” Help can only come from others also bobbing along in leaky boats far from shore.
The Anglican Church is an institution meant to help people. The Ottawa Pastoral Centre (OPC) is a ministry of the Church. It employs psychotherapy: a set of skills meant to help people. These are complementary but different ways of helping you stay afloat.
In one boat is the Church, and it says: “Whatever happens, sink or swim, you are not alone. One who loves you more than you can know is with you. There is much more than you can see. We are your brothers and sisters.” A pastoral therapist (from another, companion boat, following in wake of the first) says: “Tell me about your pain and I’ll accompany you, and use my skills to help you find your feet again, or to find new or different strengths.”
Now, I wouldn’t want to tell a stranger my most personal matters, and neither would you. I need to get to know someone and find trust first. It’s my job as a psychotherapist to create the conditions of trust, which involve being as transparent and honest as possible so that what you see is what you get. It also involves my being attentive and open. Your job is to reveal your life. Whether you explicitly come as a Christian or as an atheist, I will be seeing you as beloved by the Ground of your being, of infinite value, a creature of eternity. Together, we will look and find the courage to see what is really there - a harder task than one might suppose.
We will see things that cannot be changed - and seek serenity in the face of that. We will find things that can be changed - and that will take more courage yet, and lots of work. And, we will look for Wisdom, too, to know the difference.